‘Stretch Armstrong: The Movie,’ A Really Dumb Idea?
July 26, 2012
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I recently read that Breck Eisner is going to make a movie based on Stretch Armstrong, a stretchable (i.e., the name), pliable, and extremely bendable toy from Hasbro (the same company that created the Transformers and G.I. Joe).
I remember playing with one when I was a kid. I also remember being very interested in what gel-like substance was hidden under that plastic skin (corn syrup), though I don’t recall every cutting one open.
That ‘Stretch Armstrong: The Movie’ is a blatantly stupid idea goes without saying, as the trailer for the toy illustrates.
I mean, it’s not even an obvious money-grab because I am pretty sure that if you were to ask ten random people who Stretch Armstrong was you’d probably get a few porn-related references, but nothing about the Hasbro action figure.
This is a character tailor-made for either a Saturday morning cartoon (which I am not even sure that are made anymore) or a comedy, like “The Mask.”
Instead it appears that the filmmakers will attempt to make the character somehow edgy (because if the success of films like “The Dark Knight Rises” has shown us anything, it’s that the movie-watching audience wants to see all their heroes dark and gritty.
Though it’s hardly the first stupid idea out of Hollywood, so what makes it any different from the tons of others unleashed on an unwary public?
I am concerned because the last film that Breck Eisner directed, the remake of George Romero’s “The Crazies” was actually pretty entertaining.
‘Stretch Armstrong’ sounds like a career killer, which considering how “Saraha” came out, you’d at least think that he wasn’t at all keen to repeat the experience.