Betrayal! Thy Name Is Krieger!

Considering how ISIS (the International Secret Intelligence Service)–not the terrorist organization currently in vogue–seemingly did everything they could undermine their own efforts, they hardly needed help from outside.

Or inside, for that matter.

That being said, I feel reasonably certain that there there was someone within ISIS doing just that.  Perhaps they were too caught up in their struggle with ODIN (the Organization of Democratic Intelligence Networks) and various flavors of international terrorists/arms dealers to notice what was going on right under their noses.

And the name of their Manchurian Candidate?  Doctor KriegerDr. Krieger!  A man so stupid–or was his ignorance a deliberate ruse to lull his fellow agents into a sense of false complacency?–that he regularly operated on people, yet couldn’t name any of the bones of the human body!

And while ISIS imploded at the end of the fourth season, but Krieger’s antics sped it along the way.

As proof I offer Conway Stern (Coby Bell), who worked for ISIS before it was discovered that he was attempting to steal the plans for a device known as a ‘whisper drive,’ which could render submarines undetectable.  Due to the Truckasaurs-like strength of Agent Lana Kane (Aisha Taylor), Conway lost his hand as well as the drive, though he was still able to escape.

Conway.gif

Yikes!

If you’ve followed Archer you’re probably aware that Krieger (Lucky Yates) was probably a clone of Hitler, which if you’ve seen The Boys From Brazil you’d know that Hitler clones are usually up to no good.

Conway 2

The most blatant example of Krieger’s perfidy?  There are quite a few, but the one that sticks in my craw is from the third episode of the first season, Diversity Hire, when ISIS hired Conway Stern, an African-American Jew (“A diversity double-whammy!“) mainly because Archer (accidentally) outed all the other agents of color, resulting in their deaths.

Conway 3Could Dr. Krieger have betrayed ISIS because of some deep-seated hatred of everything they stood for (I honestly have no idea what that is) or is the truth more mundane, and Krieger was just an monumental asshole?

I think the latter.

‘The Equalizer’ – Trailer Two

The Equalizer is going to be a monster, despite the R-rating.  Denzel Washington is as reliable as it gets, as far as consistently entertaining actors go.  I also like how the characters that he tends to play don’t overcompensate in terms of their physicality, by which I mean you can see from the trailer that Washington is a tad paunchy, yet he’ll still believably kick you ass.

That it’s being directed by Antoine Fuqua pretty much ensures that it’s an event.

Besides, I can only see Guardians of the Galaxy so many times…

‘Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You’ Review

Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You

Significantly Less Innovative Than Boyhood, But In Its Way A Better Movie

I watched Roberto Faenza‘s Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You a few days ago, and was reminded of another movie that revolved around a young person growing up, Richard Linklater‘s Boyhood.

Though the thing is, Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You was a much more interesting film–and most importantly, more watchable–despite being not as innovative (considering that Boyhood took 12 years to make, few films are going to compare when it comes to that score).

My primary issue with Boyhood was that there was little in the way of drama about the central character, though perhaps I should rephrase that:  All the drama was literally around him.  His mother had things happening to her, his father (and her ex-husband) as well.

Mason (Ellar Coltrane), not so much.

But Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You (possibly one of the worse movie titles ever) is different.  The movie revolves around a young person,  James Sveck (Toby Regbo) who’s entire family is remarkably dysfunctional, self-involved or just plain weird and he’s doing what he can to just keep remain afloat.

Another similarity to Boyhood is that James is also a child of divorce, though unlike Mason, he reacts and is effected by everything that goes on around him (a tendency that decreased as Mason grew older).

He’s a clever, and strong-willed individual, but he’s also young and hasn’t quite defined who he is or what’s he about quite yet.

He needs help, but doesn’t know how to ask for it.  You won’t necessarily like everything James does–because he’s a bit of a dick at times–but that has a lot to do with the fact that he’s an engaging character, unlike Mason, who was a bit of a tabula rasa.

Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You is currently on Netflix.

‘Tusk’ Trailer

Tusk comes courtesy of Kevin Smith, a director that I find more interesting as a media personality than as a director.  The last film of his I saw, Red State, I recall being disappointed over because it advertised itself as one thing–a horror film–when it was actually quite another–essentially a thriller about religious zealots.

His most recent effort appears to be vaguely similar to Stephen King’s Misery, in that someone (Justin Long) is held captive by a nutcase, though in this case it seems that the protagonist is less interested in breaking bones than changing the very form of his captive.

Into a walrus, by surgical means, if the trailer is at all accurate.

Looks like fun.

‘Hot Tub Time Machine 2′ Red Band Trailer

You don’t watch a movie called Hot Tub Time Machine expecting any sort of high-brow humor–and if you did it’s all on you because there wasn’t any be found–but what you did get was three actors thrown in the pretty bizarre situation, and their idiosyncratic ways of coping and adapting.

When you think about it, it could actually be the Citizen Kane of hot tub time machine movies.

The first time around apparently appealed to more people than just me, because Lou (Rob Corddry), Nick (Craig Robinson) and Jacob (Clark Duke, which can’t be the name he was born with) are back in Hot Tub Time Machine 2.

This time around it seems that the guys have, predictably, fraked up the future.  This really bothers someone (whom I am willing to bet is either Nick or Jacob), who then attempts to kill Lou.  Nick and Jacob get Lou back into the time machine, and attempt to stop the would-be killer.

It goes without saying that they bring their own special brand of incompetence to the proceedings.

‘Patrick’ Review

Patrick: Evil Awakens

Some Memories, And Coma Patients, Are Best Left Alone

Mark Hartley‘s Patrick, is currently on Netflix, and is surprisingly a engaging little horror film (before it jumps the rails, that is).  I was expecting something silly, on the level of an Asylum feature, it was actually pretty engaging, before the aforementioned rail jumping.

Charles Dance brought a much needed sense of dread and gravitas to things, and he reminded me somewhat of Peter Cushing of Christopher Lee, both of whom possessed the ability to make sub-par material at least interesting.

Unfortunately, no one–other than the writers, or maybe Edward Norton–can do anything to make a silly story less so, or help a movie regain the goodwill its lost (misplaced somewhere around the half-way mark).

Events unfold place almost entirely in a moody villa that houses the Roget Clinic, where Doctor Roget (Dance) experiments on his patients, assisted by his daughter, Matron Cassidy (Rachel Griffiths).

As of late the doctor seems particularly preoccupied by Patrick (Jackson Gallagher), whom was somehow put in a comatose state after murdering his mother and her lover.

Roget is particularly fond of electroshock therapy, as well as a drug that will look eerily familiar to anyone that’s seen Re-Animator.  If he’s able to bring Patrick out of his coma, it will prove that his theories are correct, and enable him to regain the fame and notoriety he once had before a fall from grace (something involving illegal experiments probably similar to those he’s currently performing, I’d guess).

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‘The Gallery of Horrors Bundle’ StoryBundle

Gallery of Horrors Bundle

Ripping a still-beating heart from the chest cavity that shelters it, as the blood washes all over you in a warm, red fountain.  It runs in rivulets, like miniature water falls, down your face; some even winds its way toward your open mouth.

The penny-copper tastes coats your tongue before making its way down your throat.  At first you double over, gaging for a moment before feelings of revulsion are soon replaced by a sated feeling that–before now–you’ve been entirely unacquainted with.

If reading about such terrors is your idea of entertainment–it’s definitely mine–then The Gallery of Horrors Bundle is for you.

The books are offered by StoryBundle, and contains six books by writers such as Martin Kee, Brent J. Tally, and Tanya Eby.

Now here’s the cool part.  If you pay more than $12 for the Bundle, you get three bonus books:  Irregular Creatures by Chuck Wendig, I, Zombie by Hugh Howie and The Red Church by Scott Nicholson.

I can’t speak for everyone, but the scariest thing that I can think of would be to let such an awesome bundle of eBooks (readable in iBooks–my preference–or Kindle, Kobo or any other reader that accepts .epub or .mobi files) go away.