The (Un)necessary Remake Dept: Creature (1985)

Creature movie posterLet’s be clear:  William Malone’s (who also directed the very entertaining reboot of The House On Haunted Hill, among an extensive filmography) 1985 movie Creature is essentially a low-budget knock-off of Alien, down to the monster itself (when you could see it in its entirely that is, which wasn’t often).

It’s also not a very good movie, though by no means irredeemably so.

The premise involves two companies, the West German Richter Industries and the American NTI, which were working to profit from space exploration and exploiting whatever they happened to find for financial gain while doing so.

The movie, despite taking place in the future, didn’t take into account the possibility of the fall of the Berlin Wall, which divided East from West Germany, five years later.

What it also doesn’t seem too cognizant of is the nature of corporations, which when they get large enough become almost stateless, borderless entities.

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Crimson Peak – Teaser Trailer

Crimson Peak - Creepy FigureLegendary Pictures can certainly use a hit, after the dismal performance of Black Hat and Seventh Son.  That being said, I hope that Guillermo del Toro’s Crimson Peak is the movie that does it for them.

That being said, there are a few things riding against it.

First off, it’s rated R, which means that no one under 17 can see it without a parent or guardian, though that hasn’t stopped American Sniper from pulling in the bucks (though the only thing that the two movies are their rating and that they both have actors in them).

The movie looks gorgeous–it’s from del Toro, after all–though unlike his prior productions there appears to be overt sexuality, something only hinted at, if that, in his prior productions.

Dead Snow 2: Red Vs. Dead -Review

Red Snow 2: Red Vs Dead movie poster

“Apparently, No One Told Director Tommy Wirkola That Sometimes Too Much Is Just Too Much.”

Have you ever known a person that you enjoyed being around, despite that they always seem to try way too hard to be the center of attention?

You may like them as an individual, but wish that they would just tone it down, if only a little bit?

Well, Tommy Wirkola‘s Dead Snow 2: Red Vs. Dead is the movie version of that friend.  The first Dead Snow was a pretty enjoyable horror movie and tribute to directors like George Romero, Sam Raimi, and John Carpenter (especially Carpenter, seeing that it was essentially a gorier, more humorous version of his 1979 movie, The Fog).

Unfortunately, the sequel tries way too hard, upping the ante by throwing in an evil arm (very Sam Raimi), and a troop of Russian zombies on top of the Nazi zombies that were raising Hell from the first movie.

But sometimes more isn’t better, it’s just more. In fact, when things really get moving you have to be amazed that he can even wrangle it all.

Despite the similarities to The Fog, it actually plays more like a  Sam Raimi movie–as opposed to something from John Carpenter, who takes his subject matter more seriously–who’s likely to mine horror for humor as much as violence.  Though there’s an important caveat:  When Raimi tends to do so the humor acts as a release valve (for tension), while in Wirkola’s case the effect is often the reverse.

In other words, while the humor and outrageousness are ramped up considerably, it’s typically at the cost of the horror.

Which is a pity because while the Nazis never needed help in being terrifying, very little of what made them so makes it intact to Tommy Wirkola’s movie.

 

Red Snow 2: Red Vs. Dead is currently on Netflix

Poltergeist (2015) – Trailer 1

Speak of the Devil, and he’ll come (or something to that effect) because the new Poltergeist trailer has dropped, and it’s a whole bunch of “Meh.”

There’s a workman-like sheen to things, which may owe more to Paranormal Activity than the original movie, but if the trailer has shown me anything, it’s how unnecessary a remake it is.  That being said, I have to give whomever decided to cast Jared Harris, seemingly in the Tangina role, props because the man is virtually a walking special effect.

As far as I am concerned, casting Harris in such a role is like casting Angus Scrimm in that either actor may not be up to–or associated with–something ominous, but more they likely, they are.

Though why they needed to ride the original Poltergeist’s coattails is beyond my understanding.

Do We Really Need A Poltergeist Reboot?

Poltergeist poster

 

This is part of what I hate about Hollywood.  With the Poltergeist reboot trailer about to drop any day now, I wonder why anyone is remaking a movie that doesn’t particularly need it.  Tobe Hooper’s (or Steven Spielberg’s, depending upon whom you ask) haunted house thriller is not only one of the better movies it its type, but its aged pretty well too.

Then there’s the person that was chosen to direct: Gil Kenan.  So far he’s done two films, Monster House and City Of Ember, neither of which in my eyes making him a good choice for the reboot (despite obvious parallels to Poltergeist and Monster House).

There are SO many bad movies that would warrant a reboot, yet for some reason they start with the (potential) ruining of a classic.

Horns – Review

Alexandre Aja is one of the most consistently interesting horror directors working today.  His Maniac remake–which he wrote with his writing partner, Grégory Levasseur–was excellent, and the work he did direct, such as High Tension (a fascinating movie that irritates the Hell out of me–in an Usual Suspects kind of way.  It’s a long story), The Hills Have Eyes reboot, Mirrors, for the most part are sublime.

Which has a lot to do with his last film, Horns, is so disappointing.

I haven’t read the novel by Joe Hill (son of Stephen King), but I would hope that his writing isn’t as erratic, as schizophrenic as this movie was.

My biggest gripe is that I had no idea why things were happening.  For instance, the movie opens during a murder investigation, and everyone–including his parents and brother–believes Ig Perrish (Daniel Radcliffe) is guilty.

The problem with this is that he (Spoiler Alert!) didn’t do it, but despite this fact he finds himself growing horns (?), which have two wildly inconsistent abilities.

So let’s for a moment forget that Ig is innocent, which means that there’s no justification for devil’s horns to suddenly start growing out of his head.

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The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014) – Review

The Town That Dreaded Sundown movie poster

The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014) Is Remarkably “Blah” And Pointless, Which Is A Pity Considering The Source Material”

While I was a bit dismayed when I first learned that one of the favorite horror films was being remade, I am even more put out to see it turn up on Netflix this evening (which implies that it wasn’t good enough to release in theaters because, while I am a huge fan of Netflix, movies that aren’t in some way associated with them don’t traditionally make it their first stop).

It’s already a bit too meta for my tastes and opens with a couple at a drive-in, watching the original The Town That Dreaded Sundown–someone even wears an eponymously-titled t-shirt, which is a bit like wearing a shirt with James Holmes‘ picture on the anniversary of the Colorado theater shootings.  Sure, you could do it, but it would also be in awfully bad taste–and with some people protesting that a movie based on a true event was being shown again.

And the thing is, you can see their point.

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