The Angry Birds Movie – Official Theatrical Trailer

I just don’t get it; the whole ‘Angry Birds’ thing, that is.  The game is the unfunniest thing I have come by–though Zach Scott feels the opposite–but I don’t see the point.

The trailer looks cute though, and considering that the games don’t have characters that talk, the filmmakers clearly embellished things a tad.

Now, if they’re talking about a Plants & Zombies movie, I could really get into it.

I also should mention that I am working though a technical problem–my computer’s hard drive is apparently going the way of the dinosaur–so I have to get another and replace it, which involves money that I don’t currently have.

I intend to continue posting, though it may be a bit more sporadic than I typically do.

Fantastic Four – Review

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I have to say that I didn’t hate this movie.  It’s not the Fantastic Four movie I would have made if given the chance, but it’s not terrible; though it is needlessly grim–pardon the pun–but that’s not necessarily the same thing as bad.

And you might also be wondering what took me so long to actually see it, and I’d answer that Josh Trank’s movie was one of the worse reviewed movies of last year, so I wasn’t in any particular hurry to catch it.

The fact that I rented it via iTunes for $5.99–as opposed to $10 or more for a movie ticket–may have a little to do with my feelings as well.  (What also might is that Josh Trank was demonized in various media ways few people who haven’t been accused of either peodphilia or poisoning the water of their constituents have been).

Dr. Allen (Tim Blake Nelson) is the goverment man who intends to use the intrepid team as weapons, though the thing is, he makes a lot of sense.  Not only is the government financing the Baxter Institute, but he had the audacity to suggest that NASA be brought in to explore the new world the transporter opens up. 

The thing is, that’s what NASA does!  Yet because of a little Dutch courage, our four intrepid voyagers decide to journey into mystery.  

The movie makes little sense, in that why would the inventors of a teleportation device, knowing that it opens a door into an alternate world–the word ‘dimension’ isn’t interchangeable with ‘world’–even want to be the first humans to use it?

That’s like the people who invented the first atomic bomb actually flew aboard the planes that dropped them on Hiroshima and Nagasaki, which is dumb for all sorts of reasons. 

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The Divergent Series: Allegiant Official Trailer

I haven’t see any of the ‘Divergent‘ movies–and I blame the Hunger Games because all these movies based on Young Adult novels pretty much feel the same for me.   And while that’s not quite fair, there’s undeniably a similarity between many of them.

Which reminds me:  I suggest that you see The Maze Runner if you haven’t already.  Not because it’s a particularly good movie, because it’s not, but because it’s so nonsensical at times that it’s funny, (Though I am reasonably certain that that’s not what the filmmakers were aiming for).

Though this is about Allegiant, so let’s get back to it; maybe it’s because I haven’t seen any of the other movies in the series, but there’s enough ape-shite crazy stuff going on in the trailer that it looks like a lot of fun.

And I am reasonably sure that the movie will bring all the weirdness into focus, taking way the only thing that really separates it from the pack.

The Veil – Review

“Some Shrouds Obscure The End Of The World. “

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Phil Joanou’s The Veil isn’t a particularly good movie, though it’s least interesting (and before I begin in earnest I have to mention the cinematography of Steeven Petitteville–according to IMDB and the movie’s credits that’s how his–I assume he’s a he–name is spelled–does great lighting.  His work is naturalistic, with lots of contrast between light and shadow, which complements the movie’s bleached-out color palate) and in its own way, quite ambitious–particularly when things go pseudo-Lovecraft.

Both Ti West’s The Sacrament (2013) and The Veil are at heart retellings of the  Jonestown massacre, where 909 Americans killed themselves, led by the Rev. Jim Jones (Thomas Jane, in The Veil plays Jim Jacobs–clearly a play on ‘Jim Jones’–like a fanatical Jim Morrison).

The difference being, while West essentially retells the story of the original massacre in the–at the time–present day, Phil Joanou introduces a supernatural element that at least serves to differentiate it from the horrific event that inspired it.  And while Robert Ben Garant’s screenplay is a bit dopey, it’s at least novel (and you can’t fault it for a lack of ambition).

As I wrote earlier, the movie itself is interesting, until it falls too deeply into the gyre of horror movie cliches (when things start going to shite people who should know better decide to stick around, as opposed to hightailing it out of there) and people start doing things because the screenplay says that they should, as opposed to any sort of human process of reasoning.

The Veil comes courtesy Blumhouse Tilt, though be careful, because some shrouds obscure the end of the world.

Suicide Squad – Official Trailer #1

Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody is a pretty bold choice as far as musical accompaniment goes–I am reasonably comfortable in saying that it probably cost Warners a pretty penny to secure the rights–but I am still not sure how to feel about the new trailer for DC Films upcoming Suicide Squad.

My problem is that it’s hard to tell the tone of the movie from the trailer.  Is it dramatic? Comedic?  A combination of the two?

I am assuming the former–after all, it’s a pretty grimy looking movie.

Though I have no idea (though why do I get the feeling that Deadpool could be a problem).

Dirty Grandpa – Red Band Trailer

I haven’t seen Dan Mazer’s Dirty Grandpa–though looking at the trailer I get the feeling that I have.  Uptight man goes with his grandfather on a trip–the grandpa, who doesn’t know his son very well, and is probably dying–bonds with him.

Which brings the question:  What is Robert De Niro doing?  At this point it can’t be about the money, and while I admire actors like him and Samuel Jackson–who, if he’s not in every other movie, he’s in none at all–De Niro has the distinction of seeming to appear in virtually any movie that’ll have him.

This guy was in Taxi Driver, The Deer Hunter, The Godfather, Raging Bull, among many other really remarkable movies.

Which isn’t to imply that Dirty Grandpa will be a bad movie–remember, I haven’t see it–but it also looks like something he doesn’t need to do.

*To be fair, this is the first time I have seen the Red Band trailer, and that Werther’s Original joke was pretty good.

 

The Boy – Trailer

William Brent Bell’s The Boy is one of the first movies released by STX Entertainment, a new studio launched in 2014.

It reminds me vaguely of two movies. The first is 1973’s Arnold, which revolved around a woman marrying a corpse–not Rupert Murdoch, though I can understand the confusion.

The second is Gremlins, especially when the sitter is left with a list of things she needs to do in reference to her charge.

Which is a bit problematic when you consider that the boy, who goes by Brahms, is dead and the caretaker was hired to keep watch over a doll that was made in his image.

It sounds bat-shite crazy, and the trailer really sells the creepiness of the situation (it also stars Rupert Evans, who you’ve probably not seen since Hellboy) which I am not at all sure the movie can live up to.

It can go either way, though the trailer?  I like.