Michael Bay Says There’re 14 Transformers Stories in Development…

Michael Bay says that there’re 14 Transformers stories in development (most of which are probably intended to be made into movies) and on hearing the news something shriveled up inside me, like an organ that no longer served a practical purpose.

So, I guess I’m saying Transformers are the cocyxx of the movie ‘body.’

They have bothered me for various reasons.  One being that you can tell they take serious money to produce, yet there’s surprisingly little to show for all the effort.

I have yet to see a Transformers movie that in any way resonated with me mentally, or provoked a discussion about anything (other than irritation about never getting the time spent viewing the movie back again).

And I also understand that the Transformers are vehicles–pardon the pun–to sell toys, but do they have to do so so blandly, as if the idea of an engaging story were enough to scare off the people who flock to see the movies to the tune of billions of dollars?

Disney does the same thing–in terms of producing movies with the intention of getting toys based on them on store shelves before whichever holiday season happens to be just around the corner–but their Pixar, Marvel Studios and other divisions typically tell interesting stories as well.

The Defenders – Teaser Trailers 1 & 2

With the airing on Marvel’s Iron Fist the last member of Marvel’s The Defenders has been introduced to audiences (the others being Daredevil, Jessica Jones and Luke Cage), and I can’t wait to see them united.

Mainly because there’s so many opportunities for drama and chaos with so many volatile individual sharing the same space.

This is the opposite of my feelings about the Justice League, which I will see though not with any sort of passion.

The Mummy – Teaser Trailer and Official Trailer #2

One of many problems with Stephen Sommers’ The Mummy was that it had little to do–beyond the title and a mummy–with Karl Freund’s original 1932 creature feature.

It’s sequel, The Mummy Returns, was no better, having more in common with Romancing The Stone than Freund’s movie. 

And apparently the trend of making reboots only vaguely based on the source material continues with Alex Kurtzman’s version, which if the trailer is at all accurate (and sometimes they’re not) seems to owe more to Stephen Sommers than Karl Freund.

By the way it’s worth mentioning that the early Egyptians tended to built tombs for either royalty or someone somehow connected with whomever happened to be ruling at the time.   The problem is that creating a massive tomb–and a sarcophagus more ornate than some kings would have had–is utter nonsense considering that the queen they put in it was disgraced. 

A more likelier a fate would be that her tomb would’ve been destroyed (and recycle into making other tombs), as would all statues; as would all mention of either her or her reign.

In short, she would have been wiped from history.

I think the idea of Univeral attempting to craft a universe base on monsters like Frankenstein, the Wolfman, Dracula and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is an interesting one–though I wonder why must The Mummy must play out on such a large scale, which was a problem with Sommers’ movie as well–and with all of humanity in the balance?

It feels like massiveness for massiveness’ sake, and that’s not a good thing, especially when a leaner, more intimate movie would have probably been more effective. 

It – Teaser Trailer and Trailer 1

As far as I’m concerned–at least initially–the best horror is in the sizzle, not the steak.

Keep in mind that in Steven Spielberg’s Jaws for a good portion of the movie you never see the shark at all (for the most part a fortuitous accident.  The mechanical shark, known affectionately as Bruce, more often than not didn’t work as planned, forcing Spielberg  to improvise).

Ridley Scott’s Alien followed a similar template, where the monster was gradually teased, making its reveal all the more terrifying.

The first version of Stephen King’s IT did a similar thing, doling out hints and glimpses of the evil clown, Pennywise, before the final reveal.

And Tim Curry’s Pennywise was terrifying, though why he was so unnerving is important.

First off, clowns are slightly creepy in and of themselves.  It doesn’t take all that much to make one look just a bit off…

And I suspect Tim Curry knew this. Visually his Pennywise looked like any ordinary clown, but the way Curry’s voice sounded combined with the way he carried himself made Pennywise oddly disturbing.

This new version of Pennywise looks as if they’re trying too hard to be Scary, and it doesn’t particularly work.  As I mentioned earlier, Tim Curry’s version wasn’t necessarily trying to look scary.  In fact, he looked like a clown that you’d see on just about any circus in the country.


But what the makers of is rebooted series don’t seem to understand is that having one oversized shoe in the normal world, and the other in the bizarre, is what’s terrifying.

This new version, as far as I can tell, tries way too hard.

Spider-Man: Homecoming – Trailer 2

Before I begin I should mention that I intend to stop posting teaser trailers (unaccompanied by a full trailer) because the former tends to give so little in the way of information that’s it’s almost pointless.

This way at you get the teaser AND the full trailer at the same time, which as far as I am concerned makes more sense and gives the reader more bang for the buck.

So on to the review.  The first thing I should mention is that I hate the blazer Spidey wears on the Spider-Man: Homecoming poster.  It mildly irritates me and feels too Hardy Potter-ish (in terms of tone).

In any case, the second trailer for dropped yesterday, and it did what I thought was unlikely, which was to re-ignite my interest in the third reboot of the property.

With Spider-Man: Homecoming Marvel Studios has managed to do what none of the other movies had done prior, which is to take Peter Parker back to high school, though the casting of an actor that makes that a visually viable move (and that’s not a knock against either Toby Maguire or Andrew Gairfield more than an acknowledgement that both actors were too old–and what’s worse, looked it–to play high school students).

And while Tom Holland–despite being in his mid-twenties–looks six of eight years younger, making it a perfect fit for him.

Then there’s dollops of the sense of wonder that often accompanies a young person as they discover the world around them in new and fascinating ways.

And I am reasonably sure Spider-Man: Homecoming will be a bright spot for a studio–Sony Pictures–that could use a few.

Spider-Man: Homecoming – Teaser Trailer 2

I absolutely can’t stand teaser trailers (or ‘Sneak Peeks,’ or whatever the hell some marketing department chooses to call them). They’re like regular trailers, except they give you even less information, which virtually by definition makes them very, very frustrating.

The latest teaser from Spider-Man: Homecoming is no different in that we see Spider-Man clinging to the side of the Washington Monument, when there’s a flyby of an object (which I originally assumed was the Vulture but seeing it was way too small makes it likely that what quickly crossed the screen was a bit of StarkTech (perhaps some sort of drone that Spidey could control).

Other than that, nothing.

Justice League did the same thing just last week (and if was pretty irritating then, too).

Here’s to this irritating trend quickly.

Justice League – Teaser Trailer – Aquaman Edition

This morning a teaser trailer Zach Snyder’s Batman v Superman was released, and…meh.

After all, it’s a teaser trailer, which is little more than a few carefully chosen shots from the upcoming movie seemingly designed to drum up interest.

It seems that Warner Bros/ DC Entertainment are taking a somewhat novel approach (‘novel’ in the sense of being unexpected, as opposed to being new or unique) in that they seem to be releasing teaser trailers composed of content focusing on individual members of the team. 

Having only seen Aquaman’s teaser I wish they’d go back to a more tradional format because it does them no favors. 

It’s too brief–after all, it’s a teaser trailer–to really make any sort of impression, and I expect the others to do the same. 

At this point Justice League is Zach Snyder’s last chance to get it right.  He whiffed Man of Steel and screwed the pooch on Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (which is pretty remarkable when you think about it.  Then again, when you take it upon yourself to ‘reinterpret’ characters no one asked you to in the first place, you’ve got to expect–that’s not entirely fair.  As much as Snyder doesn’t get these characters, which I find easier to accept than he does understand them, and proceeded as he did to spite fans, I am comfortable saying that Warner Bros executives seem too stupid to pick up a comic–so it’s not surprising that there’s more than a little blowback from both critics and the general public.

There’s one shot of the entire team toward the end, and I have seen better likenesses of living, breathing people in the window of Madame Tassaud’s

In other words, it underwhems.