Star Trek – A Gay XXX Parody

If you’ve been thinking that the only thing wrong with Star Trek was that they were missing gay sex, then I have the video for you!

Though to be fair, what cause my eye was the poster, which is surprisingly  faithful to that of one of the better Trek movies, Star Trek: The Motion Picture (though the font is more reminiscent of the Star Trek television series).

And I am reasonably certain Star Trek is not in the public domain so the only reason I can think of Paramount’s lawyers not setting their phasers on ‘lawsuit’ is perhaps because it’s either flown beneath their radar or they think it’s not worth the bother.

If only Axanar were so lucky.

Though the worse thing is (okay, the second worse thing) that the porn parody is likely more faithful to the original Trek (know as the Prime timeline) than the Kelvin timeline-based movies.

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Zach Snyder and the Island of Ill-Concieved Ideas 

It seems that finally Zach Snyder has fallen out of favor at Warner Bros, though my question is why it took so long to happen.   Keep in mind while he’s overseen produced no flops while the creative force behind the DCEU (DC Extended Universe) though what he has done was produce three movies–Man of Steel, Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice and Suicide Squad–that were extremely devisive as far as the perceptions of critics and movie goers.

You’ll notice that I didn’t include Wonder Woman, the best received DCEU movie (and on track to being the most profitable) yet?  That’s no accident.  Snyder’s star has been in it’s descendecy for quite awhile, and Wonder Woman was the first movie produced with a new management team in place.

And the worse thing is that I don’t necessarily blame Snyder.  Warner Bros management (at the time) should have taken his ideas for a murderous Batman and an apathetic Superman and thrown them onto the Island of Really Ill-Conceived Ideas where they belonged, as opposed to entertaining them as as they did.

‘The Mummy’ Likely To Die A Slow Death

Remember 2014’s Dracula Untold?  That Luke Evans starrer was originally supposed to be the first movie in Universal’s Dark Universe imprint till they did a ‘Green Lantern‘ and changed their minds.

Though based on reviews coming in for Alex Kurtzman’s The Mummy reboot they might have been better served by going with their original plan.

Indiewire’s David Ehrlich calls The Mummy, “…the worse movie Tom Cruise has ever made–it stands out like a flat note on a grand piano.

Robert Abele, writing for The Wrap says that “(The Mummy)…is an out-of-the-gate stumble that doesn’t even have the sense to sport its own so-bad-it’s-fun personality. It’s the same loud, excessive strain of blockbuster that’s cursing multiplexes, barely qualifying as horror, adventure, fantasy, thriller or even Tom Cruise vehicle.

Which isn’t to imply that all reviewers disliked the new take on a classic horror character.

Jeff Grantz of Heroic Hollywood says that “Overall, I really enjoyed The Mummy.  I think that this was an excellent start to the “Dark Universe…

Mixed reviews are nothing new, though what’s problematic for The Mummy is that the negative review are extremely negative, while the positive ones appear filled with caveats; so expect The Mummy–despite the presence to A-list actors like Tom Cruise and Russell Crowe–to slowly sink beneath the desert sands.

This is a manifestation of the issue I discussed on Screenphiles, namely that Universal, with Dark Universal, is trying to make stories that are bigger, grander and more epic than they have any reason for being.

The Cause of the Academy Award Snafu Revealed!

I didn’t see last week’s Academy Award presentation mainly because I think as Americans we spend way too much time celebrating ourselves.

An award for this, an award for that; it seems like there’s one for just about every activity that you can think of.  And since they’re become so relatively common–maybe they’ve always been and I didn’t notice–that they feel progressively less meaningful.

And that’s not to say that they’re worthless, though they’re seem to be doing their damnedest to become so.

Then I heard about the Oscar snafu and wondered how it could have happened, especially since people of color having been overlooked by the Academy for a very long time now.

Though having seen the video below, I think I get it.

Raising Hell(boy)

When I read yesterday that the kibosh had been put on Hellboy III by none other than Guillermo Del Toro himself, I have to admit that I was a bit put out.

And what his account lacks in detail, it more than made up for in finality. 

As I said, I was a bit bothered, till I gave it some thought. The first Hellboy premiered in 2004, and like most projects Del Toro tackled, the love he felt for the subject matter saturated every frame.

The sequel, Hellboy II: The Golden Army came four years later, and managed to build on what was introduced in the first movie, while at the same time expanding on the world of the  B.P.R.D (the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense).

And as usual, it was a beautiful movie.  Del Toro was one of the first directors I can recall who used color to saturate a scene and I am confident in saying no one does so with more  assurance than he (the Underworld movies attempted a similar technique, but appeared heavy-handed compared to Del Toro’s use of the technique). 

So would I like to see another Hellboy movie?  Sure, especially since they managed to be unlike anything else produced at the time though as far as I am concerned, Del Toro (in movies) was Hellboy’s heart and soul and if he’s ready to turn the last page of this particular comic, then I am too.   

The Case Against Extended Editions (Of Movies)

In terms of keeping ourselves entertained, there are a plethora of options available. 

From the Internet to video games, watching sports or the seemingly hundreds of other things we do to fill time, our entertainment options are so many that studios can’t afford to take moviegoers for granted.

Which is why I see a studio release an ‘extended’ or a ‘Director’s Cut’ I have to ask if executives think we’re all so stupid that we just don’t notice that we’re (more often than not) being screwed. 

Because if a director is doing their job, there’s no reason for an extended or a Director’s cut to even exist. 

For instance, when Joss Whedon was asked if there would be a Director’s Cut of Avengers: Age Of Ultronhe unequivocally said ‘No.’

Reason being, part of a director’s job is to work with the studio to bring their vision to life, and that typically involves a little give and take but that being said, at the end of the day what you see on theater screens should be what the director wanted you to see.

If it’s not, then there’s a problem, though I definitely don’t think the answer is to release extended cuts, as was the case of Suicide Squad; or a Director’s Cut, in the case of Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice

Reason being, in my book that’s known as double dipping, which is a big ‘screw you’ to moviegoers. 

But it goes deeper than that.  Extended editions that don’t add value slowly undermine viewers faith and trust in movies, and with so many illegal ways to get content you’d think studios would be doing all they can to fight such ha creeping cynicism.

Then again, I’ve been wrong before. 

Can Geoff Johns Save The DCEU?

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Can Geoff Johns save the DCEU, otherwise known as the DC Extended Universe?

Let’s just say I HIGHLY doubt it.  And it’s worth mentioning that I speculate out of love because–while DC characters like Batman and Superman aren’t my favorites–I don’t wish them ill, either.

Which is why I find the movies released so far just vexingly disappointing.

Check out my reasons why in the video below.