“For a movie with the same title as a Guns N’ Roses song, “Welcome To The Jungle” has no bite.”

Rob Meltzer‘s “Welcome To The Jungle” stars Adrian Brody as Chris, an unappreciated office drone whom redeems himself  (sort of) on a corporate Outerward Bound-type of excursion.

Rob Huebel (“The League,” “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D) plays his nemesis, Phil.

Surprisingly, the best thing about the movie is Jean-Claude Van Damme, who’s the leader of the group.  I wouldn’t go as far as saying that he has a gift for physical comedy, though he’s pretty game for whatever is thrown at him.

Particularly tigers.

Once everyone arrives at the island, things devolve quickly, like William Goldring’s “Lord of the Flies,” except much, much dumber.

The worse thing is how relatively quickly everyone turns savage, and then on each other.  I get that it’s a comedy, but it feels that they were on the island only a day or two, yet for some reason just about everyone–of course excluding Chris and those that follow him–abandon just about everything remotely civilized and begins worshipping Phil as a god, whom renames himself “Orco,” which leads into an interesting bit about He-Man.

“Welcome To The Jungle” isn’t terrible, but it spends so much time trying to be unoffensive and funny that it ends up mildly offensive (what was the thing with Phil’s Asian assistant, anyway?) and not terribly funny.